Are You There God? It's Me, Ashley.

Yesterday afternoon I received a call from my father telling me that he was heading to the hospital. He had been feeling numbness in his legs, which was getting progressively worse. A hospital admission, spinal tap, and MRI later, the doctors said he likely has transverse myelitis, inflammation of the spinal cord. Essentially, he can't move the lower half of his body. EVERYTHING is unclear- official diagnosis, prognosis, etc. Drew and I drove up to Spartanburg and he stayed with Mom while I went t the hospital with Dad.

Dad has a good attitude. But we are all at little unsettled. Mom can't really spend much time in the hospital due to her low white blood cell counts, but she is trying to see him at least once a day. She has stayed very strong. 

We don't understand why a rain cloud seems to be hanging over our family these days, but spending so much time at doctor's offices, you realize that we still have so much to be thankul for. Mom's tumor is SHRINKING, Dad still has his cognitive ability, and we have tons of family and friends who love us.

We would really appreciate prayers right now. For healing for Mom and Dad, for their doctors, and for patience as both of them likely have long roads to recovery.

And, despite the title of this post (just a shout out to one of my fav childhood books), we know God is present.

James 1:2-4 

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

Christmas and Cycle 3

I have pics to post, but left my camera at a friend's house- so those will be coming later.

On December 22, mom began her 3rd Cycle with chemo. This time it only lasted 5 1/2 hours- so we seem to cut an hour off each time. We passed the time planning Christmas Eve dinner and Christmas lunch, and Mom discovered YouTube.

Double Dream hands anyone?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dm7yAWpX1Mc

We all had a wonderful Christmas celebrating. Mom felt well, and it was the first time in a long time that we had such a large group together on Christmas day. Having Sophia there made it EXTRA special. Drew and I were even able to drive to Charlotte to his brother and sister-in-law's house for Christmas dinner, so we saw his immediate family (excepting Kelly-WE MISS YOU) too. Mom was able to eat a lot of the yummy food, which is a good thing as she has lost some weight since starting the treatment. Dad kept telling me that this would be my first Christmas that wasn't "White" (he's hilarious!), but I squeezed one more out, despite my name change, when the snowflakes came down Christmas afternoon. What a wonderful day with much to celebrate.

Mom seems to be feeling well so far this week, which is a good thing. Yesterday she had a CT Scan to check the progress of her treatment. After her scan, one of the nurses told her to go to her oncologist's office immediately. She called me crying, certain that the cancer had spread or the chemo wasn't working (she was supposed to get CT Scan results Jan. 10).

 The good news is that chemo is working--the tumor has shrunk nearly 40%. Thank you God! The bad news is that mom has developed some small blood clots in her lungs.This is not uncommon with cancer patients undergoing her type of chemotherapy, but is still scary nonetheless. She now will get a shot of blood thinner everyday to control/prevent clotting.

Although clotting is serious, it isn't abnormal and is manageable. However, that whole experience made us realize that while we all have been thinking positive and not really considering the possibility that mom might now make it through, things could take a turn for the worse. It was a bit sobering....But, God tells us not to worry so we will trust that He is in control and continue to think positive.

That's all for now.

Herbie-Love

I got Herbie 4 1/2 years ago- June 2007.  The rescue organization told me Herbie was 5 yrs old. Turns out he was probably closer to 10, and had an array of health issues. He was, as Drew likes to say, the World's Most Expensive Free Dog. BUT- he was WORTH EVERY PENNY.  Herbie saw me through some of the lowest times of my life, and was also with me through some of the best times--- when I met Drew, fell in love, and got married. He stayed by my side--hanging out right outside of the bathroom while I got ready in the morning and sleeping on the floor next to me at night. He had half a dozen ways to whine, and I understood each one--  "give me a Dingo," "take me outside," "I'm out of water," "I want on the bed," "I want out of the bed," "scratch my hiney." Herbie loved to EAT. You name it, he wanted it. He even ate the coffee beans from a decorative candle holder one time- landed him in the doggie ER! Herbie always surprised me with his spunk and personallity. I will never forget the first time he let me rub his tummy, or how happy he was to see me when I got home. He seemed to enjoy wearing his Halloween costume each year, and always objected to being treated "like a dog"--i.e. Herbie got to sit in the dining room during Christmas dinner b/c if we put him in the sunroom with the other dogs he would bark THE  ENTIRE MEAL.  He would lay quietly at my feet and had first dibs on left over turkey and ham. He enjoyed walks outside, hanging with his pitbull girlfriend Bella, playing with his stuffed toys, and scratching his hiney on chair legs. He loved me unconditionally.


Herbie was a cancer survivor,  had cushings, was in the early stages of kidney failure, had a heart murmur, arthritis, and some hip displaysia. Despite these challenges, he had the most graceful spirit and and  FOUGHT to live...bouncing back from so many health issues. We could all learn about how to age with dignity and grace from him...It is funny because as he got older he certainly became "high maintenance." He began having accidents, would fall down, had trouble with stairs, and had his fair share of tummy issues. However, he was so appreciate of the help he received that it made me love him even more.

Thursday night I walked in to see Herbie  struggling to walk. He had vomited several times and was obviously feeling pretty bad.  We rushed him to the vet. Herbie's main vet, who was off, drove to the office to take a look at him. Turns out he had "Old Dog Vestibular Disease," which comes on suddenly and typically resolves within 72 hours. Our vet recommended that we take him home for the weekend before making any big decisions.  This was not the first time we thought Herbie was close to the end, and we hoped like all of the other times,  he would bounce back.

 At the end of 72 hours he had walked a little better but still wasn't eating or drinking on his own.  We took him to our vet- I emailed Drew to tell him how happy I was because I felt that he'd pull through and we'd have another Christmas with him. Then, Herbie's vet called us and told us that we had to make some tough decisions.

Our vet said that because of his other issues, it would be a long road to recovery, and even then, he would not have the same quality of life. Over the past year Herbie has lost a lot of weight, had more frequent accidents, and we have seen an increase in visits to the vet.  Still, after he had conquered so much adversity- how could we make the decision to end his life? Our vet explained that sparing him that suffering would allow him to pass with dignity and that in fact, was a loving choice.

It was one of the the hardest choices I have ever made.

I went to the vet, picked Herbie up, then we headed to the Golden Arches---no, not Doggie Heaven- McDonalds!  Herbie and I went home and spent some time snuggling. Then, when Drew got home- we fed him a chocolate milkshake, hamburger, and french fries. Herbie was having a tough time eating, but with our assistance polished off most of the burger and EVERY fry. We bundled him up in his blanket and headed downtown to the vet.

When we got to the office, I spread his blanket on the floor, and pulled a Dingo out of my purse. Drew looked at me, smiled- and pulled a Dingo out of his pocket. Then, I lost it. Herbie hasn't been in the mood for Dingos lately, but did take it for a bit. Our vet (who was SO empathetic and kind) went and put a port?? in Herbie's arm, then brought him back in the room. We fed him Hershey's kisses and peanut butter crackers, and thanked him for being such an AMAZING dog, cried over him. Meanwhile, he was given medicine to stop his sweet heart from beating. He passed peacefully surrounded by love.

I have cried BUCKETS of tears the past 24 hours. I called mom and she cried with me, as have many friends who have shared stories of losing their own pets. I know Herbie-love was not a person, but he was a family member. In a year that has presented so many challenges he provided me with much comfort, and having the responsibility to chose whether or not to end his life weighed heavily on my heart. He was a good dog, the best really,  and I miss him.

Herbie at the Beach Summer 2009 (Dingo in mouth of course)

Herbie on Halloween! Drew's family dog Rudy, was staying with me for a bit at the time.

A certain family member soaking his feet in ice water- Herbie says- "don't mind if I do."

Herbie taught Jake some good habits (chewing gym socks- as seen in background, Jake picked up on his own).  So glad our young pup got to love Herbie too.

Herbie enjoying his last meal.

Herbie, we love and miss you. Thank you for being such a good friend.

In non-Herbie related news, and in keeping with the point of this blog- Mom has been doing pretty well. She had a cold last week, which was tough as she had to stay in the house for 48 hours straight, but her spirits are good and THANK GOD, she continues to handle the chemo well. She has another round tomorrow, so prayers are appreciated. I will update after we return from her chemo appointment.

Merry Christmas everyone! We are thankful for Jesus and the comfort he is providing this holiday season.

Mom is still Mom

Mom and I are very close- we talk about work, life, relationships, etc. No topic is off limits. She knows that when I'm feeling down, a trip to TJ Maxx and some showtunes will cheer me up. I know that she needs a Diet Coke (preferrably with pellet ice), from a fountain machine, and to rub Donald's tummy.

As close as we are, at times we can get on each other's nerves. I am habitually late while she is punctual. Mom's dog voice drives me up the wall sometimes (others it's not so bad). I always forget to call when I get home from visiting Spartanburg and I always arrive later than I say I am going to....you get the picture. Nothing big, we usually just tease one another and move on.

The other day, when driving to get mom to her apointment, I was running late by her terms (you must get to all doctor's appointments 30 min. early).  She called me no less than 3x to ask what mile marker I was at. Then for good measure, had my dad called too. I.was.irritated. Then, I was overcome with sadness, driving up I-26 crying for being irritated at mom when she has cancer. I mean---what if one day she isn't there to check my trip progress? I felt so guilty for spending even a few minutes being frustrated with her. I got to their house, and mom explained that arriving early is something she CAN control in terms of her treatment, with so many more question marks. We arrived on time, but I will do my best to be early next time, especially since I understand why it is so important to her.

That is the weird thing about this process. Mom is still my friend, confidant, etc. At the same time, we will still annoy and irritate each other at times, like all mothers and daughters do. And that's OK. Facing such a scary disease has made us all so much more thankful for family, and I am so grateful for mom and our relationship. BUT, I need to remember that I am not a bad person if her dog voice irritates me (***I have free reign to tease mom about her dog voice, and I am pretty sure mine gives her a run for her money).

Alright, ending rambling.

Mom is doing pretty well since getting the chemo. She felt a little naseaus over the weekend and has a sore throat, but generally feels OK and is out and about.  This week it is back to steroids and she has some additional lab work. Her next chemo appointment is Dec. 22. I am amazed at her positive attitude and hope that she continues to feel OK.

Thanks for continued prayers, calls, notes, etc.- they certainly provide comfort!

Cycle 2

Just a quick update, with pics to (hopefully) follow this weekend.

Mom had chemo today and I was able to go with her. The treatment lasted from about 9:30 in the morning until about 3:30 in the afternoon. She did SO GREAT. She watched movies, slept, or read the whole time. If you know someone going through chemo- tech it up! Makes the time go so much faster. Everyone sits around a huge room. Some folks stay for hours, others a few minutes.

It  was so facinating to see how cancer brings together all of these strangers from different walks of life.. You don't know the person's story, but the patients connected with each other- if only because of this shared experience. In our little corner (throughout the day) we had a lady who was finishing up treatment for breast cancer, a minister with pancreatic cancer, 2 elderly gentlemen, and  a man in his early thirties.  The breast cancer survivor got to ring a bell because it was her last treatment. Shortly after the bell ring, another lady rushed by our seats to the restroom where she got sick. She was crying, and obviously felt horrible- BUT after a sprite with ice and some nasea meds, she got ready to leave and the bell rang again. It was her last treatment. Once again so weird how the TREATMENT for this disease takes so much from the patient, but GIVES them so much as well. She looked sick because of the chemo, but got to ring the bell and no longer had cancer because of the chemo.  I tell you- it was the best music to hear those bells ring. I know one day mom will be ringing it.

Pray that mom handles the chemo as well this cycle as she did the last time. She gets her white blood cell booster tomorrow and then has labs next week.